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Funny things that kids say

Posted by: Emily   August 17th 2009

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One major difference between children and adults as I see it is their brutal honesty which is devoid of all tact.

I say brutal as often a child’s remarks are ‘as they see it’ minus any frills.

For example, my children (aged 5 and 7) often say to me:

“Mum, when you were young, was everything in black and white?”

Or

“Mum, when you were young everything was made of wood wasn’t it?”

It seems that to my children I am as old as time itself and anything ‘ancient’ to them represents me. Thus to them I appear ancient. This is not good. I’m not THAT old.

These two little darlings of mine recently saw fit to inform the love of my life that he has a big nose. This was something my partner always wondered about but couldn’t get any adult to confirm. Now without invitation, my children have settled the matter.

I am trying to teach them the art of ‘tact’ but as tact in a child’s eye is akin to telling lies (and they are correct in some regards) it makes teaching them about it a tad difficult.

As such I try to keep it simple.

“If you haven’t got anything nice to say, don’t say it”

Just like my mum used to say to me!

Meanwhile every parent has those awful moments when you want the earth to open up and swallow you whole, usually when the little darlings start asking you where babies come from.

My son (aged 4 at the time) asked me if babies came out of a woman’s bottom. I kept my reply nice and brief

“No”

He thought for a second and then asked if babies came out of  the wee hole.

Again I kept  my reply nice and brief

“No”

I was quite pleased so far with my nice brief uninformative replies.

“Where do they come out of then?”

And I was doing so well. Now what?

“There’s another hole” I said.

This idea of another hole was fascinating to my young son.

“Let me see” he asked

“No” I replied in horror.

Did I mention we were having dinner when this conversation arose?

Anyway, long story short.

My son wanted to know about this extra hole that women had and he hadn’t. I told him it was a perfectly ordinary hole, a bit like a nostril. Not very interesting and thus there was no reason for him to see it.

After my partner finished choking on his dinner, I cleared the table and that was the end of that!

I’m not sure I’m the best person to teach my children about biology and I hope that they have these lessons in a nice clear format at school, ASAP before I am in the hot seat again.

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